In search of a woman I used to know

For the past few years, I often find myself in search of a woman I used to know.

She has been with me all of my life, from the very first moment I took my first breath.  She was once my caregiver & my protector.  She was my moral compass.  She has been my rock, my go to person. No matter what the issue.  No topic was taboo.  No problem was too big or too small.

She could bring a smile to my face by simply being with me, a calm to my stress with just the sound of her voice.  Her laughter, her sense of fun & adventure, was never-ending.  Her social calendar was always full, she loved nothing more than to plan the next get together. She moved through life tackling whatever challenge happened to be tossed in her path.

She was and continues to be my biggest fan.  For this woman is my mother.

There is a certain sadness that comes with watching our parents age.  Our hearts break as we bear witness to their day-to-day struggles of declining physical & mental health, managing loneliness & depression, along with whatever additional ailments they are dealing with.

I am so grateful to still have my mom in my life, but there are days when I long for that vibrant person of days gone by.

Every now & again I catch a glimpse of the woman I used toscan0011 know.

The one who taught me to believe in myself, to live life with enthusiasm, to grab hold & embrace it for all that it offers us.

Today, I just needed to reflect & remember her.



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34 Responses to In search of a woman I used to know

  1. Tammy says:

    Beautifully written Lynn!! XO

  2. Karen says:

    Lovely. Xxoo.

  3. God bless and hope your mother has good health

  4. Sue Slaght says:

    Lynn a beautiful and eloquent post. I would Freshly Press this one for sure!

  5. Paul says:

    Beautiful Lynn.

  6. We are going through the same emotion with my mother inlaw. I gave my husband your article to read and he just went quiet. It says it all in a few key words. Thanks

    • Lynn says:

      A big part of why we share our stories, is in the hopes that we can touch others who are experiencing similar challenges.

      I hope that in some small way, your husband takes comfort in knowing he is not alone in his sadness.

      Thank you so much for stopping by today & for taking the time to comment.

  7. Very nicely done. Sometimes our good thoughts are good for the soul.

    • Lynn says:

      They are indeed Nelson. It has been a challenging time & I think I needed to remind myself this week of who that person was. As always, I so appreciate your kind words.

  8. Sandra Kelly says:

    A lovely tribute Lynn. Through thick & thin our mothers are by our sides. Your mother taught you well, as are a wonderful mother yourself.

    • Lynn says:

      You are so sweet Sandra. I am my mother, in so many ways. I hear her in my voice, in the exact same tone. My children can attest to that!

      I truly appreciate your kind words my friend.

  9. joannesisco says:

    Lynn – I really felt the weight of these words. There is often so little dignity in the aging process … only reminders of the vibrance lost.

    I witnessed this merciless decline in my mother and I often felt I had *lost* her long before she finally passed away.

    Your love for each other will carry you through ❤

    • Lynn says:

      It has been a difficult journey Joanne. My Mom has been my everything over the years. The past few years have been so challenging for a variety of reasons & at times I barely recognise her.

      Your comment about losing them prior to their passing is dead on (no pun intended). Every now & again I have to remind myself of the wonderful person I have been blessed to have as a mother.

      This week was one of them! Your kindness, your support & your friendship are a help.

  10. Martha says:

    Thanks Lynn. I still think about my mom everyday and marvel at how calm, supportive and loving she always managed to be while raising 5 daughters.

    • Lynn says:

      Our mothers have that effect on us, don’t they? They are in our hearts each & every day.

      I can’t imagine raising 5 daughters, a testament to your mother’s patience! Although I am not as familiar with all of your sisters, she sure managed to raise a beautiful daughter in you my friend.

      Thanks for stopping by today & for leaving your comment, truly appreciated!

  11. Deb Patrick says:

    Beautiful Lynn…this brought so many emotions to the fore for me. I lost my mom in 2010. Fortunately, she was my same “Mom” ’til the day she passed, just quieter and very, very sick in the last month. I have often said that the time I spent with her during cancer treatment were some of our best days as it was just two women sharing meals and time, talking and being thankful for each other’s company. Revisiting memories. With all that is happening now with my own daughters’ lives taking off, I SO wish that she was still here with us too, as she would be loving every minute. Meg and I have this “thing” with her…it seems that whenever something big is about to happen, or either of us is struggling…we find dimes. In weird places (like…on a stage for Meg before a performance, at my feet in the street, or in a pocket, for me). And we know. She sent them to say “it’s gonna be great, or it si going to be OK, keep going, and I am here”. So never worry…that woman you seek, she is always there. Sometimes we just have to be very still and observant to see her though. ❤

  12. Lynn says:

    Oh Deb, thank you for sharing this with me. Your words touched my heart, truly.

    Like you, I feel so blessed to have had the relationship I have had with my Mom. So many wonderful memories of times shared together. I think that is why I find it so difficult these past few years, some days she is almost unrecognizable to me. Having said that, her aging self will not be the person I keep in my heart for that is definitely not who she has been for most of her life.

    How wonderful that you & your girls find dimes! I can only imagine how incredibly proud your Mom would be to see your girls today. What fun she would have watching all of the adventures!

    Thank you so much for lifting my heart today, it means a lot!

  13. First of all, this tenderness really affected me – secondly, it made me envious you have and have had your whole life a close relationship with your mom.
    What a wonderful testament to her. Reblog it on Mother’s Day, or print it up, frame it and give it to her. So lovely Lynn.

    • Lynn says:

      Thank you Susannah, I am so very grateful for the relationship I have had with my Mom. Up until recently, I don’t ever recall a time when we were at odds. Even as a teenager, I have none of those “I hate my mother” moments. We have always had an easy relationship & honestly, we have been the very best of friends. I realize how incredibly rare that is & there is not a day goes by the I am not appreciative of our mother/daughter relationship.

      The past few years have been more challenging, some days she seems unrecognizable in so many ways. This piece was an emotional one for me to write. The fact that it touched you, fills my heart. Thank you!.

  14. LB says:

    Lynn, what a heartfelt post and tribute to your mother. I’m sorry for the days that you can’t find the woman who had such an incredible impact on your life. Beautifully written.

  15. pieterk515 says:

    A precious post, and a message for kids! Cherish your parents.

  16. 7daysatatyme says:

    You wrote exactly what I would have written about my Mum if I could write.. She’s dying a slow painful death and it’s breaking my heart every single day. She too is/was my best friend in the whole wide world. She unfortunately doesn’t remember much these days which would be a blessing if only it could also take away pain. You wrote so eloquently about your beloved Mom and I wish I could put words to paper as you do. If I borrowed some of your awesome words to explain about my own dear mother would that be okay with you? Giving you full credit of course. HaHa most people would know I didn’t write them anyway. I miss my “real” Mum so much and I look for glimmers of her often but she’s losing even her ability to find the right words to speak. She’s almost 92 and says herself why do I have to suffer so, why can’t I just die? I wish I knew the answer to that. Thank you again. I wish the best for you and your Mom.

    • Lynn says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words. This was a very emotional piece for me to write, one that has been swirling around in my thoughts for some time. It touches my heart to know that my words have touched someone else.

      I think it is so hard to watch our parents decline in health & in spirit. Most days I am able to deal with it but some days it just overtakes us doesn’t it?

      I hope you find some peace in remembering the relationship you have shared with your Mom. When those difficult days come, try to hang on to those days & memories, ones where you & she shared more joyous times together.

      I have no problem with you borrowing some of my words. I would only ask that you provide a link back to the post or you may want to consider doing a reblog with some of your words in front of the post?

      Take good care. Hugs:)

  17. Mrs. Magilla says:

    This is so beautiful and heartfelt. Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal.

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